absolutely fantastical was my trip to our 51st state. despite the 6 hour late train coming into the 'couver, and the 8 hour late train returning, i consider the trip an overall success. just look at the number of R.A.S.'s (random ass shots) i got and you're sure to agree:

click here for all pics

'twas certainly nice to have a bed after weeks of sleeping on a floor or in a half-filled dumpster.

thanks to the Shelly for enabling me to maintain my title, "international man-child of leisure."

see you sizzlechests later!

P

oh, pay particular attention to the comments on this picture:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thejerk/118625485/in/set-72057594089342919/

i must've touched a nerve and hence i took the opportunity to launch a further assault.

Posted by thejerk at 01:25 AM | Permalink

by, home, of course i'm referring to the couch i'm surfing at my friend, Dennis' place. it's been a relaxing 2 months back in the US&A.

although there're loads of things i wanna to blog about, this post's main purpose is to avoid the blank space on my home page. i haven't posted in months and didn't really plan on it until i saw the gaping space where words should go.

but for now, know something. i need a vacation. so off to vancouver i go tomorrow by amtrak train. the ride's supposed to be lovely and scenic. pictures to come shortly.

in the meantime, enjoy a picture of me using HDTV as my laptop monitor:

Posted by thejerk at 11:59 PM | Permalink

i'm going home.

after waking up in a dumpster one too many times and being to one too many unstimulating countries, i'm a bit sick of it. i've booked a roundtrip ticket home for a couple months where i'll relax and gorge myself on good ol' fashion White Castle hamburgers. oh and i need to pick up some new gear. in essence, this trip home can be accurately summed up as a glorified shopping expedition.

besides, i think the chunky sack's mom misses me. according to her emails, apparently, no one shaves her back like i can. mrs. chunky sack, i'll see you in a few days.

the website will of course continue. i mean, there are people to make fun of in the US&A, right? the travel portion of my site will continue in a couple of months when i embark on my finest adventure yet: lower southeast asia and maybe even iran. i'll finally put an end to what the weapon's inspectors were too inept to do.

oh and on a schadenfreudic note, i'm unbelievably sick again. that should make for the most pleasant 23 hour plane ride i've ever taken. on top of the sickness, my right foot feels like it's sprained. i wish i could claim a sports related injury but instead, my reason is that i went to bed one night and upon waking up, i couldn't stand or walk. joy! oh and my laptop screen is broken again.

it'll be good to be home again.

Posted by thejerk at 05:00 AM | Permalink

to the two korean girls i met in puerto princessa's puerto pensione, i lost your email addresses. i can blame it on forgetfulness, alcohol or premature onset of dementia but that'd be lying. instead i blame it on my lepresy ravaged fingers and the oversensitive 'delete' key on my computer. and that's the truth so help me Lord Vishnu and his team of fighting monkeys.

email me. thejerk(@)thejerk.org

Posted by thejerk at 07:22 PM | Permalink

the obvious jokes aside, i'd like to thank cacnipa island for not only providing me friendly monkeys to keep me "busy" but also the chance to slaughter my first chicken. i recall a previous plan to murder a chicken in Laos but unfortunately, that never actually materialized.

Continue reading "chokin' the chicken (verdict: bloody)" »

Posted by thejerk at 10:54 PM | Permalink

her name is Peabody and like most filipinas, mainly hangs out with me in the hope of free food. she's often dirty, reaks of beef stroganoff and her body hair is matted in dirt, if not her own feces and caked urine. she neither makes out with me nor even talks to me but instead flings feces at me with impunity; she's the best girlfriend i've ever had.

Continue reading "my new girlfriend... she's got a mohawk" »

Posted by thejerk at 10:45 PM | Permalink

- 5 months...

- 18 out of 7107 Philippine islands visited...

- countless overtouristed beaches treaded...

- innumerable chicken adobos forcibly consumed...

- (as a result) 13 cases of gastroenteritis and cirrhosis...

- (not as a result) 2 cases of gonorrhoea and herpes symplex 43 - each...

Continue reading "paradise found" »

Posted by thejerk at 10:13 PM | Permalink

i believe singer/songwriter Billy Joel said it best:

Uptight girl. Shes been living in an uptight world. something something something something ship comes in...

if history has shown anything about my past friendships with females, it's that the relationship will always end in bitter tears, only this time, she was the one at the open air restaurant sobbing uncontrollably and left without sphincter control. really, if there's a silver lining to be found, it's that i'm getting better at realizing who the whack jobs are - this one only took 2 days (1 day to meet her then the 2nd day to scheme how to ditch her).

we met in dumaguete with the promise of flying and traveling in palawan together. after a few hours, i found myself annoyed by her constant complaints and neverending dogmatic liberal politics. i don't mind a differing political opinion but give it a rest for at least 20 minutes! i lied, i do mind a different opinion, particularly ones whose foundations are based in everyone-loves-everyone irrationality. the straw that broke the korean-american's back was when i took a picture of her and she mandated:

"you don't have my permission to use that photo on your website."

declare it to me and there's absolutely no deal. so in all its ugly, granola eating, corporation hating, self-righteous glory, i present, one tree-hugging canucklehead hypocritically downing a double shot of Starbucks mocha latte:

Continue reading "boy meets girl ... boy ditches girl (verdict: tears shed and therefore hilarious)" »

Posted by thejerk at 02:24 AM | Permalink

the 300 year legacy of spanish rule in the philippines evidently is extreme laziness and hence, more festivals (read: holidays) than you can possibly imagine. the reigning festival on camiguin island involves the praise of a cherry sized fruit called a lanzone. what i'm saying is, these people will create any reason to take off work. but that's not necessarily a bad thing considering i've taken off work for the past 2.5 years.

now let's cut to the chase. gloria macapagal arroyo, (aka GMA) the current "madam" president, here for the festival was nearly touched quite inappropriately by me. take it from me, she's not so attractive in the biblical sense but really, i haven't felt female skin in so long, my suspicion is they've modified it while i was away.

Continue reading "the pocket president" »

Posted by thejerk at 03:46 AM | Permalink

with all the traveling i've done, i've gotten a bit of understanding of other cultures. some say inherent cultural differences are quaint. i say they're simply backwards and wrong.

take this for example:

Continue reading "now with ginseng!" »

Posted by thejerk at 03:43 AM | Permalink