boy meets girl ... boy ditches girl (verdict: tears shed and therefore hilarious)
i believe singer/songwriter Billy Joel said it best:
Uptight girl. Shes been living in an uptight world. something something something something ship comes in...
if history has shown anything about my past friendships with females, it's that the relationship will always end in bitter tears, only this time, she was the one at the open air restaurant sobbing uncontrollably and left without sphincter control. really, if there's a silver lining to be found, it's that i'm getting better at realizing who the whack jobs are - this one only took 2 days (1 day to meet her then the 2nd day to scheme how to ditch her).
we met in dumaguete with the promise of flying and traveling in palawan together. after a few hours, i found myself annoyed by her constant complaints and neverending dogmatic liberal politics. i don't mind a differing political opinion but give it a rest for at least 20 minutes! i lied, i do mind a different opinion, particularly ones whose foundations are based in everyone-loves-everyone irrationality. the straw that broke the korean-american's back was when i took a picture of her and she mandated:
"you don't have my permission to use that photo on your website."
declare it to me and there's absolutely no deal. so in all its ugly, granola eating, corporation hating, self-righteous glory, i present, one tree-hugging canucklehead hypocritically downing a double shot of Starbucks mocha latte:
she's against all (american) multi-nationals, the product of well-intended liberalism gone horribly awry, but as she sits there with a steaming cup of corporation coffee, she felt the picture i'd taken would tarnish her future ability to endorse the latest granola product or dolphin-safe tuna net. my only regret is that i didn't get more dubious pictures of this pasty carpenter's dream (you know, flat as a board, easy to nail?) defying her own fantasy-land maxims.
add to that, the personality disorder of garrulous banter about her uninteresting and overstated self. if her conversation skills were measured in chicken adobo, she'd go hungry for years. whenever i tried to interject a statement, she simply spoke louder and resumed her high minded, preachy monologue.
i'm the first to admit were she doable attractive enough to insert not my, but anyone's penis into, her condescending discourse would have been more palatable.
save the whales, club no baby seals, give land back to the natives, eat veges not meat. SAVE IT and EAT ME!
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Comments
oh pius:
you poor, poor man. if you were only more in touch with mother earth...
come home pius, i'll get you a job, you'd love buffalo girls. they are sturdy, love their beer, and they actually work for a living. and when i mean work, i don't mean at the boutique, but at the Ford plant.
Posted by: mizak | December 7, 2005 05:26 AM
Wow, she is kind of goofy looking. Are you going to get sued for defamation for putting her on your site and saying mean things about her? Honestly though, I can't believe you even gave her the time of day when she started in on the tree hugging. Come back home. We miss you Pius! Maw & Paw.
Posted by: Piehole Penny | December 7, 2005 07:03 AM
Holy shit Pius! This is the funniest damng thing I've read in awhile. Nice work! You just made my morning at work bright. I'm bustin up!
Posted by: steveo | December 7, 2005 09:35 AM
i only take a loo and realise that when i am not with you ,you shure do make mistakes,and this was a big 1.try to go to the other side of women,the one that you do like,this way you could enjoy her and also be with her.
man,i cant stop laughing ,ha ha ha ha ha you are so fool.
Posted by: lior | December 7, 2005 12:00 PM
oh man Pi... the "carpenter's dream" statement was too much.
Hahaha!
Posted by: ken | December 7, 2005 04:47 PM
lmao, I still can't get over the fact that you made a girl cry... you ain't right son, but you ain't wrong either.
Posted by: djrue | December 7, 2005 10:04 PM
u sure that's a woman? that dude looks like a goofy boy.
Posted by: juno | December 8, 2005 02:28 AM
the only part of her that looks female to me is her hands. and that tattoo! so not hot. where did you find her?
Posted by: joanna | December 8, 2005 07:53 PM
Look at that face on her....I get the same look on my face after I take my daily 9:13am dump. Seriously though, have you now made at least 1 girl cry every year since 1998?
Posted by: Anonymous | December 11, 2005 09:00 PM
I forgot to sign that last post. T'was I, the one and only Chunky Sack
Posted by: Chunky Sack | December 11, 2005 09:02 PM