tell me, are they really that different? they both scratch at themselves inappropriately, have hairy backs and live in filthy surroundings. i wish it could be said that the difference lay in feces flinging... but regretfully, i can not.
i categorically retract and correct all previous negative statements i've made about malaysia:
after 2 weeks enjoying the wild side of borneo, i've seen the light. borneo is borneo-rific! try not to read the previous statement too quickly, lest you care to misread 'borneo is boner-ific'.
Continue reading "apologies to malaysia (verdict: regretful foot-in-mouth)" »
i've yet managed to jettison this proverbial (sweaty) monkey off my back. not once, not twice but thrice, i abandoned my travel partner at various rest stops and concessions stands in borneo but somehow he managed to reattach himself to me. during my failed initial attempt, a potted plant provided cover when his plane landed from his tokyo layover. needless to say, he discovered me cowering and in the initial stages of weeping onto my shortpants.
i'm extremely proud of myself right now and by golly you ought to feel the same. that lei-over pun popped into my head just seconds ago in essence, sparing you the physical aches caused by an abundance of crass puns not involving a colorful garland of flowers.
there are worse places to be lei'd-over (or is it lei-overed) say some but as far as i'm concerned, oahu, particularly waikiki ranks in the lower 10th percentile of places to be stuck for a day. it's 'spensive, local kids are punks and there are throngs of 'big-boned' americans and pasty japanese tourists mucking up the scenery (youthful japanese girls aside). worst of all i have to look forward to the impending loss of a day out of my life when i once again cross the international date line. i already feel the extra gray hairs coming in from being a day older. my hiatal hernia ain't feeling much better either. on a side note, as a kid, i erroneously thought crossing the international date line was when someone dated outside their race (e.g. 'damn, again fergie crossed the international date line but now with tyrone!').
in case you haven't noticed, i've left the country yet again... after gaining 20 pounds (10kg) over the past 5 months, yet again... and soiling the toilets of various fools hosts that have been dim-witted generous enough to allow me to kick them in the short and curlies stay at their houses... yet again.
it's a tradition for me to occasionally revisit the US&A to pack on a few pounds before the effects of amoebic dysentary and a steady international diet of deep fried insects take their tole. my second return saw an ample 5' 6" frame (i'll be 5' 7" in august) increase 15% in mass or as i like to say, got 15% hunkier. but we all know this won't last. by the end of ramadan 2006, i'll be back to my scientifically designated weight for my height range and general level of fruity mirth.
the past 6 months vacation (away from my now 3-year vacation) have otherwise treated me well. i took a few vacations (from my vacation in Cali from my now 3-year vacation) to vancouver and my home town of XXXX XXXXXX, New Jersey. in new jersey, i had the audacity to revisit my alma mater ergo taking a vacation from my vacation from my vacation from my now 3-year vacation. continue to the next paragraph if you don't quite follow what i'm saying. continue to the next paragraph for everyone else... because i have nothing else to say about this matter except, XXXX XXXXXX high school football rules!
also, in case you haven't noticed, the site's been redesigned just enough so the less intellectually capable fans are unable to recognize it as thejerk.org (formerly www.meatcondom.com). don't get me wrong. the content is just as unreadable and insane as before... but now it's surrounded by a dark blue color and packed with an increased level of your daily recommended dose of calcium. one further improvement to the 'package' is a new digital SLR camera with incredibly large telephoto lens, capable of capturing details on a person only a parental unit should see. perverts and members of the roman catholic clergy, rejoice. yes i admit it, i was wrong; there is a god and her name is canon digital rebel xt with sigma 70-200mm f2.8 lens.
the first leg of my journey was spent laying over in hawaii and the philippines. yes, the same philippines where i spent 6 months. on a mildly related note, the onboard entertainment from SF to Honolulu was what i now declare as the feel good movie of 2006: Akeelah and the Bee. (shameless amazon link below)
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