despite its natural beauty and the finest sand known to man and lady-boy alike, few tourists visit this little-known thai island. for a 4-time repeat visitor like myself, there isn't much to do except bathe in the clear waters and rub the pure white sand in and around my assy nipples. for first timers, you can choose to snorkel or tour the neighboring deserted islands... or rub pure white sand in and around your assy nipples...

Continue reading "greatest island del mundo (paradise island)" »

Posted by thejerk at 08:48 AM | Permalink

as if my Canon Rebel XT (350D for non-americanos) weren't enough, i made a purchase in Kuala Lumpur that i'm not sure if i can afford... but i'm not sure if i can't afford it, if you know what i mean.

i admit, despite my checkered past (14 misdemeanors, 3 felonies and one unfortunate incident involving 3rd period gym, a pickle and being alone in the locker room), i've been given, no, i've earned the opportunity to travel the world. i should photograph with the best equipment possible, no?

my first year i shot with what i now realize was one of the worst digital cameras known to man, a point and shoot Fujifilm silly-cam. my next upgrade was better but not quite up to snuff although it did incorporate a 10x optical zoom which launched me into the world of privacy violating photography. the 350D was my first foray into the SLR realm and now i'm hooked on high quality images. i've seen what's capable with the proper equipment so i plan to capture the rest of my travels with one of the best pieces of full-frame cameras available to non-professional mortals.

behold, the latest contribution to my poverty and one of the many reasons i'll be required to work well past mandatory retirement age:

this is my last frivolous purchase. the next time i spend money must be something i absolutely need. i've narrowed my choices down to penile-girth implant... or a 50mm f1.4 Canon lens. again, i plead to all sugar-mommies out there... give a brotha' a helping hand!

Posted by thejerk at 08:03 AM | Permalink

it's come to my attention, a montage of attractive local girls is long overdue:

... not to neglect the ladies (& boys), an indonesian man fashionably handsome in his androgyny:

unfortunately, i only remembered to begin snapping pictures when i reached my last Indonesian island of Sumatra so the sampling is select and in some ways, misrepresentative, skewed far towards the Muslim end. i apologize to the incredibly attractive non-Muslim, non-prostitute women of the Indonesian archipelago for doing them a great disservice but you can take my word for it, they're deliciously attractive albeit entirely bounded by the rules of look-but-dont-touch. interestingly, they seem to have little desire for good looks in the men they date leaving hope for those of us gifted only with dented chests, inverted penises and US&A passports.

on a related note:

A high school teacher was charged under Texas' peeping-tom law with videotaping girls' wrestling matches for his sexual enjoyment.

click here for the article or read the following for the quotable highlights:

"Police said David Ware, 28, often zoomed in for close-up shots of the girls' crotches."

..."charged under a 2001 law meant to protect people from ultra-small cameras that can be used to peek into dressing rooms or up women's skirts. Under the law, filming a person without consent for sexual arousal is a felony."

i'm not quite sure if the law directly applies to me but to the authoritites, i say, tack this offense onto the growing list of misdimeanors and felonies i've committed in my illustrious petty criminal past. in my defense, i've luckily lost the ability to be aroused from an incident i call 'the great high school bunsen burner accident of 1993.' simply put, i couldn't achieve a full and lasting erection even with the help of a 7 y/o vienna boys' choir member.

Posted by thejerk at 07:27 AM | Permalink

it's only 2 weeks into the new year and i've already violated my new year's resolutions. i'm barely posting a story a week and i've gone near blind defiling myself. i blame it on boredom and easy access to inexpensive single rooms.

i'm currently holed up in Sulawesi, Indonesia, nursing what i've amateurly diagnosed as bronchitis or bird flu. i've eaten almost nothing for a week. it sounds terrible but rest assured, i'm happy. this is the quickest way for me to reach my ideal weight of 110 lbs for my 4ft 3in. frame.

enough with the sob-stories. here's quickie pictorial post on a recent expedition to the island of Komodo.

rinca (pronounced 'reencha' as in 'pincha' madre) island, better than komodo for wildlife

(more pics after the jump)

Continue reading "komodo dragons (as seen in nat'l geographic)" »

Posted by thejerk at 07:10 PM | Permalink

in case you thought i was dead, i'm not. it's my pleasure to disappoint you. add some projectile kimchi to the previous statements and it reminds me of every Christmas i've spent at home with my family. traditional korean-american christmas means exchanging wrapped gifts while simultaneously berating each other for disappointing you on a daily basis.

what happens when you combine incompetence at my web host's customer service and traveling in a country that has less internet than central Tajikistan? the answer, as it turns out, is a full month of thejerk.org downtime. i'm absolutely convinced the monkeys manning the customer service department are paid per email. it gives them a financial incentive to 'misread' my emails, repeatedly and go home knowing they deserved their $4.25/hour paycheck.

anyway, baby jesus, mary, josef and the hamburglar were moderately good to me this year so i wanted to return the generosity. consider the 35-day thejerk.org downtime a part of my usual christmas largesse. sorry i couldn't be with you in person to stuff a slab of coal in your stocking either.

and as is my new year's tradition since 2003 to designate the upcoming year's moniker, i present to you 2007: the year of getting down to my scientifically determined weight based on my height, age, sex and ethnicity. (aka the year of losing 30 - 35 lbs)

in case you're keeping score at home, the previous years declarations:

2006: the year of touching at least 1 female (mission: failed)
2005: the year of avoiding malaria and/or dengue fever and/or a sneaky castro (mission: results unknown)
2004: the summer of pantslessness (mission: accomplished)
2003: the summer of shirtlessness (mission: overwhelmingly accomplished)

stay tuned because as lord vishnu as my witness, i will update thejerk.org at least 1 or 2 times a month!

ciao, regazzi.

Posted by thejerk at 08:31 PM | Permalink