anatomy of a perfect beach

...5 skin grafts in four months and one prosthetic leg later, I was mobile again. sorry to burden you with that sobering tale of prostitutes gone wild. anyway, something more uplifting:

for those keeping score at home, i'm sure you want to know what characteristics constitute the perfect beach. well unbunch your panties because you no longer have to wait. in order of importance:

clean white sand
clear warm waters
no obstructions between bungalow and the ocean
availability of diet coke, ice/brewed coffee
broadband internet cafes
electricity (see above: internet cafes)
tasty non-filipino food (redundant, i know)
YOUNG ladies! (said in jerry lewis voice)
audible lack of karaoke and its bastard cousin, videoke
Young LADIES! HELLO!
no israelis running around in their underwear (see image below)

on bantayan island, in a tiny town called santa fe, i've found a close resemblance to this paradise beach. glaringly omitted are diet coke and brewed coffee but so far the Budyong Beach Resort is the clear leader in beachiness and as close to my ideals that i've seen in the philippines so far.

you have to excuse the israeli sack. 2 months away from his beloved palestinian neighbors has made him a bit loopy. i'll deliver a "knesset death knell" in the name of thejerk fanbase.

now time to search out some YOUNG type LADIES!

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