real life daily interactions
first off, i preface this by saying not all filipinos are insane, just the ones i run into on a daily basis. most speak perfect english so it's not an issue of a language barrier. there's clearly some disconnect within their brains and the reasonable conclusions they should draw. observe:
morning coffee - a little background: instant coffee is the de facto form of coffee in the philippines. i sure hate that nescafe.
the jerk: hi, do you have brewed coffee or is it instant?
cafe waitress: you want instant coffee?
tj: no, i'm just asking, do you have brewed coffee?
cw: (yells to the back) one coffee!
tj: no, can i have an iced coffee?
cw: you don't want the coffee?
tj: no.
cw: (hands me a menu)
tj: no, i just want a brewed iced coffee.
cw: (blank expression)
tj: ok, i'll look at the menu. i'll have the brewed ice coffee.
cw: (converses with coffee master then after 15 minutes, begins to make my coffee)
mcdonalds
hamburger artist: welcome to mcdonald's, may i take your order, sir?
the jerk: can you give me a second? i'm not really sure.
ha: do you want a mcdo value meal, sir?
tj: - (i've now learned to ignore the insane questions)
tj: can i have a number 1, no supersize?
ha: (looks back at the billboard menu) you want a big mac meal, sir?
tj: - (but i nod)
ha: how many, sir?
tj: how many what?
ha: how many big mac meals do you want, sir?
tj: 4 (sarcastically)
ha: 4 big macs! (into her microphone)
tj: no, i'm kidding, just one meal, no supersize.
ha: do you want to supersize that, sir?
tj: -
ha: - (blankly)
tj: no just a regular size with diet coke, coke light.
ha: what drink with that, sir?
tj: a coke light, please.
ha: that'll be 99 pesos, sir. do you want a longganisa burger for 33 pesos?
tj: -
in the philippines, you ask a question and you've ordered it. "excuse me, do you have lukewarm diarrhea on tap?"
"one lukewarm diarrhea for the long haired chinaman!"
i shite you not! this is all too painfully real. someone kick me in the gonads. at least that'll be easier to endure.
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Comments
Actually dude, that kinda sounds like McDonalds anywhere.
Staff policy seems to require an IQ no higher than that of the food they are serving.
Good luck with that, thought - and I've heard the Filipinos do a great lukewarm diarrhea with noodles.
Posted by: Connor | July 24, 2005 03:44 PM
ah, young naive connor. unlike new zealand, in the united states, we have the highest standard for our food technicians including the braintrust at each and every mcdonalds.
originally started as an incubation program during the first world war, it was designed to produce nuclear scientists but morphed into a feeder system for our fast food restaurants. don't believe me? come see. there's a Mcdonalds in our Sandia National Laboratory in Los Alamos where by day, the employees flip burgers and by night, they moonlight in search for new technologies to destroy our enemies (who incidentally include the enemies of the enemies of islam)
yeah, the lukewarm diarrhea sauce on noodles is delicious but here, it's ubiquitously known just as "noodles". you should try the fecal blood pasta. that'll knock your socks off and wish all countries served their spaghetti with a tinge of poo blood.
Posted by: thejerk | July 31, 2005 04:07 AM