this morning, i woke up covered in mucus, sweat and yet again, bits of corn. that's the good news. the bad news is that my testicles resemble a shriveled mix between brain coral and admiral akbar from Star Wars (see below). i can blame the humidity, the excessive crotch moistness for 4 months straight or malnutrition but i won't. i'll take it like a man... i'll blame god!
i received a one day reprieve but now i'm back swimming in bile and excrement. i have no energy to go out nor an appetite. it's a travesty that so many pad see ewe's have found no home in the past 4 days. is it lyme disease or chicken flu? maybe it was the 4 hookers i offered a group discount to last week. look, when you're as sexually ambiguous as me, they become the customers.
what gorgeous timing too. tim tayag, in bangkok on a weekend bender from manila had to "see the sites" on his own.
in the past 4 days, i've:
i don't say any of this for sympathy. i'm highlighting that sometimes this whole travel bit isn't as glamorous as it sounds. ok, i can't lie, it is all glamorous and i am doing this for sympathy... so shower me. i mean literally, someone needs to bathe me.
any quack amateur diagnosis or home remedy would be greatly appreciated!
i sure do love being sick all the time!
i don't do much on an average day here in Bangkok but at least i have the option of doing something, that is, if i'm not sick. instead, the past 4 days, i've done very little not by choice you see. i was forced to lay and writhe in a pool of my own sweat and feces while wiping myself down with a rag on a stick. it was pretty hairy but i think i'm mostly through the worst part. my main goal today is to get some cleaning agents and scrub down my room which may actually be beyond repair. if i can't get the stains off the walls and ceiling, i'll just slip outta here in the middle of the night and have it become someone else's problem. huge!
for the love of pete, i can't believe i exclusively wore shorts/pants for the past 30 yrs of my life, although admittedly very seldom as possible. enter, my 28 day flirtation with a dress, which is the default form of apparel for fashionable burmese men.
what a trip! diarrhea, nausea, discomfort, and that's just 2/3 of the time i was in Myanmar!
i'm slowly getting back into the swing of things so bear with me as i catch up on all the web surfing i've missed this past month in internet-less burma. once completed, i'll send out some pictures and whatever else i usually do.
in the month i was there, i only covered 1/10 of the entire country - lower myanmar and Rakhine state. transportation is atrocious but the burmese are an amazing breed of people with no equal in any countries i've been. a follow up trip is in order.
on an unrelated note, it's time to celebrate! i received my first hate mail indicating my site is actually irritating people. how appropriate the hate-mailer is french. details to come later.
enough of this thailand nonsense. i'm off to burma tomorrow. no skinternet access and sneaking into restricted areas are gonna make my trip completely undocumented until after i've escaped... i'm sure you'll hold your collective breath in anticipation (yawn).
by the way, i still (heart) thailand
i'm not gonna lie. this is the greatest holiday since i started celebrating Celine Dion's birthday! songkran, slated to begin tomorrow, got off to an early start today by enthusiastic crowds of no goodnicks picking water fights with complete strangers. everywhere you go, you're bound to be hit by ice cold water, shrinking men's testicles and in some cases retracting them inside the body cavity like a frightened clam. whether you're falang (white folk), thai, or hunchback, no one is spared the moistness, least of all, attractive girls blessed by god's goodness. occasionally, a grumpy old dude or self-righteous israeli spoils the fun with a temper tantrum. sucks for them as that makes them a more delicious target for those of us that are launching water from upper level floors.
i'm more or less stuck in bangkok until the start of the Songkran Festival in a week. for those that have lived in a cave for your entire lives, the songkran festival amounts to what is essentially a 3-day water fight. those equipped with it, run around with large water canons and douse any victim regardless of age, sexual ambiguity, or nationality. basically, i'm waiting around to get my rocks off when t-shirts become transparent with moistness. i'll surely be armed with my camera taking photographs galore - maybe even of women this time.
in the meantime, enjoy my aggregated list of actual names that exist in bangkok which sound either unintentionally pornographic or can possibly be used in the making of pornography:
and that's just in bangkok! with city names like Phuket and Koh Pee Pee, there's no end in sight to lower and lower levels of immaturity.
i <3 thailand!
(this in no way represents a comprehensive list and go ahead, i dare you to check if i'm making this up)
the chunky sack claims he'd beaten me to our contest of photographing a bolt of lightning.
you saw it here first which means i win. s. korea 1, poland 0.
the jerks have finally left thailand.
we were awoken at midnight on March 28th and told in broken english that a tsunami warning was in effect. another earthquake had just struck the same area near indonesia as before. what from bangkok would have appeared comical turned painfully real now that we were staying directly on the western beach on koh lanta in thailand, an island that was partially demolished by the december 26th tsunami. after soiling myself, i grabbed most of my belongings and boarded the bed of a pickup truck where i was joined by harish, the chunky sack, and the syrian nightmare, promptly after they too finished soiling themselves. atop the hill, we nervously awaited our fate without access to any information about the new tsunami. in the meantime, as we later discovered, a looter was robbing the syrian nightmare of a pair of shorts he'd hung out to dry on our porch. ironically, the joke is on the burglar. those were drying as a result of a thorough bout of explosive diarrhea that desecrated the now unholy shorts rendering them diseased and unspeakably filthy.