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August 29, 2008

developing scandal

oh no she din't. uh uh. no she di na!


to keep it in the parlance of volleyballese, i'd say she's going in "for the kill". thank you, i'll be here all summer! try the moo goo gai pan and don't forget to tip the wait staff!

August 27, 2008

and speaking of under-16...

who's cuter than a bug's ear?

pocket silver medalist, shawn johnson

oh yes she is. isn't she. yes she is.

watch the following video and i'm confident you'll agree she's the cutest olympian since Atlanta/Sydney games Bulgarian weightlifter and 2 1/2 pack-a-day smoker, pocket hercules.

watch the video after the jump

Continue reading "and speaking of under-16..." »

future career?

she's at it again!


absolute genius. my hat's off to the chinese butt fondler. it's the perfect situation for vengeanceless grab ass, really. you're in front of millions on international television. in the spotlight, your victim has little recourse but to endure a tender caress lest she make a dramatic scene that has international incident written all over it. check... no check mate.

that decides it; from this day forward, i train day and night to be a top ranked female beach volleyball olympian. (anyone know of under-16 tournaments in the greater metropolitan San Francisco bay area?)

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August 25, 2008

olympics over at last (verdict: das ist wedgi-licious)

that means one thing and one thing only. you people can get back to a normal masturbation schedule. that is, you'll no longer be tempted by olympic women's volleyball (beach or indoor) or the underaged girls in gymnastics (which you should be ashamed of) to pull down your shortpants and risk blindness once again. in other words, the completion of the olympic games leaves you masturbating far less, no matter how much you imagine gymnast Alicia Sacramone using your pasty overweight body as a her personal balance beam.

i'm a well known humanitarian and a man whose heart yearns to save dolphins and end all suffering in the world. with that in mind, i'm generous enough to leave you with some images from the olympic games (from the perspective of those incorrigible germans):

if perverted photography were an olympic event, the germans would easily take home the gold and platinum. is there a country that loves an olympic wedgie more than the germans? i know not, my friends. i know not.


August 18, 2008

welcome a new exhibition sport to the 2008 Olympics

if you're as sick as i am of hearing the feminine shrills of NBC's announcers covering the phelps record breaking attempt or you're fed up with useless olympic sports (we're talking to you trampoline and equestrian or any other sport whose final scores are derived from the opinions of a panel of elderly international judges), then help me welcome the greatest ever combat sport. unfortunately, it's relegated to exhibition status at this year's olympics but if i know the international olympic committee (IOC) as well as i think i do, the sport will swiftly be sanctioned into the olympics by 2012, 2010 if the gods answer my prayers.

it behooves the IOC to help combat olympics apathy and bring dignity back to the olympics... allow bear boxing w/ sexy ring card chimpanzees.

i hear the collective (drooling) masses already chanting:
let them play... let them play... let them play.

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