lord knows i can use some quick scam to replenish my cash reserves to continue a life of international travel and disease-free prostitutes. after 5 years of globetrotting, the balance in my bank account is as low as the count of sperm in my under-utilized genitalia but as of this morning, things are looking up:

http://www.whocanisue.com/
http://www.sueeasy.com/
http://www.legalmatch.com/

like an internet dating service, these websites match up the desperate (e.g. me) with litigious scavengers of the western world. it's kinda like match.com for the (more) morally bankrupt. the websites allow you to post how you were nominally wronged and a lawyer presumably responds with a dollar amount attainable for the perceived tort.

reflecting carefully, i fear that maybe the terrorists are right after all and i'm starting to see their perspective. i'm however, working overtime with a slew of other holy wars to devote any energy to this one. one jihad at a time, please. on second thought, i need the fast cash and i'm through turning tricks in San Francisco's colorfully named, "tenderloin" district. lawsuit me, my good man and nuts to terrorism, for now.

now leave me alone so i can continue to trawl these "law" websites for any class action lawsuits i can hone in on. failing this, my only recourse is to stop traveling and hire prostitutes overflowing with disease.

thejerk legal advice: wear a neck-brace and you win every time, either in a court of law or more importantly, the court of comedy.