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weightlifting preview

the world's greatest clean and jerkers, fresh off their unpaid leave from FedEx have converged in Beijing carrying not only their freshly pressed spandex tights but also an international mandate to declare who among them is the strongest athlete on earth. this year it's time to put human rights violations and an unlawful invasion of Tibet on hold for 2 weeks because by god, it must be determined who can lift the largest quantity of metal over his/her head.

who to watch for? my phD's in off-track sports betting along with a healthy mix of experience allows me to unequivocally predict one thing about the women's clean and jerk competition: the gods do not permit a heterosexual winner. this fact alone prevents a relatively attractive USA's Melanie Roach from successfully competing against her less heterosexual counterparts. keep your eyes and ears peeled for the following competitors:

Korean, Jang Mi-Ran - a lot of Galbi was required to build this woman. and it'll take a lot more to take her down.
Russian, Oxana Slivenko - little is known about this powerhouse of the Soviet school of jerking and cleaning.
USA, Cheryl Haworth - America's belated answer to the Great Wall of China.

on the men's side, i'm known to choose the competitor with the thickest mustache and a nickname that starts with "pocket". historically however, the greatest clean and jerkers have an annoying variety of c's, Z's and V's sprinkled in their names. logically this points us in the direction of eastern europe or central asia where science has proven a strong correlation between unusually high boredom levels that make lifting increasingly heavy objects an attractive alternative to doing anything other than lifting increasingly heavy objects.

keep your eyes on:

Polish, Grzegorz Kleszcz - with this number of c's, z's and more z's, this guy's a shoe-in for the gold! did i say gold? i meant a foot long ham sandwich.
Russian, Andrei Rybakov - or as he's more intimately known: "Rybbi"
Bulgarian, Velichoko Cholakov - aka, "the cholo"

and let's not forget our emotional favorite:
Baeyoung Lee - the korean 'pocket hercules' (if i may)

at the end of the day, it's not about winners and losers. simply to compete in the presence of such physically honed olympic athletes is enough to inspire anyone with awe:

(Olympic athletes - nbcolympics.com)

watch a video to learn about the clean and jerk on espn.com!

or watch a NSFW video to learn about cleaning and jerking on porneskimo.com

Comments

I do not think I want to ever mess with those women.

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