boy meets girl ... boy ditches girl (verdict: tears shed and therefore hilarious)

save the whales! & trees! i believe singer/songwriter Billy Joel said it best:

Uptight girl. Shes been living in an uptight world. something something something something ship comes in...

if history has shown anything about my past friendships with females, it's that the relationship will always end in bitter tears, only this time, she was the one at the open air restaurant sobbing uncontrollably and left without sphincter control. really, if there's a silver lining to be found, it's that i'm getting better at realizing who the whack jobs are - this one only took 2 days (1 day to meet her then the 2nd day to scheme how to ditch her).

we met in dumaguete with the promise of flying and traveling in palawan together. after a few hours, i found myself annoyed by her constant complaints and neverending dogmatic liberal politics. i don't mind a differing political opinion but give it a rest for at least 20 minutes! i lied, i do mind a different opinion, particularly ones whose foundations are based in everyone-loves-everyone irrationality. the straw that broke the korean-american's back was when i took a picture of her and she mandated:

"you don't have my permission to use that photo on your website."

declare it to me and there's absolutely no deal. so in all its ugly, granola eating, corporation hating, self-righteous glory, i present, one tree-hugging canucklehead hypocritically downing a double shot of Starbucks mocha latte:

she's against all (american) multi-nationals, the product of well-intended liberalism gone horribly awry, but as she sits there with a steaming cup of corporation coffee, she felt the picture i'd taken would tarnish her future ability to endorse the latest granola product or dolphin-safe tuna net. my only regret is that i didn't get more dubious pictures of this pasty carpenter's dream (you know, flat as a board, easy to nail?) defying her own fantasy-land maxims.

add to that, the personality disorder of garrulous banter about her uninteresting and overstated self. if her conversation skills were measured in chicken adobo, she'd go hungry for years. whenever i tried to interject a statement, she simply spoke louder and resumed her high minded, preachy monologue.

i'm the first to admit were she ~~doable~~ attractive enough to insert not my, but anyone's penis into, her condescending discourse would have been more palatable.

save the whales, club no baby seals, give land back to the natives, eat veges not meat. SAVE IT and EAT ME!