i know most of you guys come to this site to be personally ridiculed in ways that scientifically prove your laziness and utter ineptitude. without further ado, i belittle your web savvy and deflate any delusions of competence:

if you look on the right side of the page, i've included a new technological advancement, aka a "where am i" link for all you hunchbacks and mongoloids that continue to email me to ask my location. i've answered my share of insane questions in my time (and once and for all, no, i don't have a transplanted baboon liver) but now that i've made it doubly easy to find my exact location, i'll no longer humor you with a reply about my current whereabouts.

i'm a busy man-boy... i've got to continue my search for the perfect retirement beach. and for those of you that have stumbled onto thejerk.org by accident, i address you as well in my all inclusive damnation no matter how short you've been on this site.

in other news: "man needs penis to have sex"... who would've guessed?