May 19, 2005

star wars III: return of the incapable director

a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, actors were miscast, dialogue was forced, and a plot was mistaken for a director's hurried desire to tie up loose ends. "Luke! Leia!"... fall princess amedala.

i caught the premiere of star wars III in bangkok without the usual hassle associated with opening day Star Wars tickets in america. this proves beyond a doubt the Thai population has few live-at-home, 3-game-console-owning, kling-on linguistly skilled, sci-fi dorks running around among them especially having seen pictures of the painfully large amounts of chewbaccas and storm troopers lined up for Los Angeles, California premieres. get a life or a real hobby, Syrian Nightmare and chunky sack! just because you can dress as chewbacca w/o the aid of a costume doesn't mean you should. chunky sack, your R2D2 droid appeared accurate but surely the proportions must have been, let's just say, ample. a 4 foot diamater R2D2 don't cut it, buster.

other than the visuals, the movie was a huge disappointment but i'm glad the series has come to its inevitable end with a resounding thud. the highly anticipated full penetration sex scene was glaringly omitted and who would've thought this galaxy far far away had scientists who were so capable with in-vitro fertilization (for those of you that haven't seen the movie yet, sorry, i just gave away the ending). in the movie's favor, i give ewan mcgregor full credit in spite of - definitely not as a result of - Lucas' poor direction. samuel l. jackson's performance could have been enhanced had his character been called on to use more "ethnic" phrases appropriate to samuel l. jackson. e.g. "shiiit, ma little green negro."

the one idea from the movie that keeps me alive with hope is this: a planet in this universe exists that is inhabited solely by wookies. ahhh, paradise. anyone else smell an all wookie sequel? yeah, me neither and what a pity that is.

the jerk movie critic

p.s. no word on the miss universe young type LADIES!

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