July 29, 2005

it begins!... again

it should've been a signal to me when last week, i began sleeping nearly 13 hours a night. then the diarrhea, loss of appetite and fatigue crept up. that i'm sick again is clearly a sign of my once youthful and virile body deteriorating into a shapeless blob kinda like Marlon Brando towards the end of his days.

i curse the northern filipino food, especially in my current location, Claveria. the only western food available is in the form of a Dunkin Donuts ripoff, Mister Donut and so i'm unable to fill my body with the pizza hut and mcdonald's that are known remedies for my sickness. on the positive side, i've defeated this food poisoning disease before so i'm not worried it'd dengue or yellow fever. rumor has it, the nearest mcdonald's is 4 hours away so tomorrow, i begin my crusade to find western food to take the place of adobo, lechon and pancit.

May 29, 2005

the disease revisits

i received a one day reprieve but now i'm back swimming in bile and excrement. i have no energy to go out nor an appetite. it's a travesty that so many pad see ewe's have found no home in the past 4 days. is it lyme disease or chicken flu? maybe it was the 4 hookers i offered a group discount to last week. look, when you're as sexually ambiguous as me, they become the customers.

what gorgeous timing too. tim tayag, in bangkok on a weekend bender from manila had to "see the sites" on his own.

in the past 4 days, i've:

  • eaten 1/2 a meal (w/ tim tayag nonetheless)

  • laid indoors excreting fluids 22 of 24 hours a day

  • defiled myself only once

  • attempted to defile myself 19 times (w/ tim tayag nonetheless)

i don't say any of this for sympathy. i'm highlighting that sometimes this whole travel bit isn't as glamorous as it sounds. ok, i can't lie, it is all glamorous and i am doing this for sympathy... so shower me. i mean literally, someone needs to bathe me.

any quack amateur diagnosis or home remedy would be greatly appreciated!

April 13, 2005

growth - updated

donkey punch me with fury then call me sally. dennis was right! the thing in my ear turned out to be a zit! it burst today producing a gooey substance i immediately recognized as the typical pus-blood concoction.

sure, zits form on your buttockal region and often rears its ugly head in the form of "backne" but i've never heard of ear pimples (pun regrettably intended).

now i don't have to go to the hospital to get this checked out. instead i'll use the "saved" day to eat an extra meal of generously dolloped pad see ewe.

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April 03, 2005

tsunami alert!

we were awoken at midnight on March 28th and told in broken english that a tsunami warning was in effect. another earthquake had just struck the same area near indonesia as before. what from bangkok would have appeared comical turned painfully real now that we were staying directly on the western beach on koh lanta in thailand, an island that was partially demolished by the december 26th tsunami. after soiling myself, i grabbed most of my belongings and boarded the bed of a pickup truck where i was joined by harish, the chunky sack, and the syrian nightmare, promptly after they too finished soiling themselves. atop the hill, we nervously awaited our fate without access to any information about the new tsunami. in the meantime, as we later discovered, a looter was robbing the syrian nightmare of a pair of shorts he'd hung out to dry on our porch. ironically, the joke is on the burglar. those were drying as a result of a thorough bout of explosive diarrhea that desecrated the now unholy shorts rendering them diseased and unspeakably filthy.

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November 18, 2004

you think your life sucks!?

nearly died last night on a sleeper bus attempting to sleep at below freezing temperatures.

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