besides a couple pairs of unspeakably filthy underpants, i reached Lhasa with suprisingly few issues. i know i'm writing at a brick wall but if you gutless sacks of computer potatoes decide to take a vacation, i suggest it be this trip. in my illustrious 5 year career of traveling, i've yet to see such near-unspoiled scenery as penile-explodingly gorgeous as that seen in Tibet. watch the video after the jump and once your erections subside and the blood returns to your brain, i'm sure you'll agree.

as the Beijing olympics approach, i couldn't help but notice the coincidental appearance of bulldozers and earthmovers on the unpaved dirt roads plied by our bus (bear with me as i take a quick jab at the chine-eez gov-t's¹ sop to the international community). why after over 50 years of occupation has Beijing decided to throw some pavement down on this long forgotten stretch of previously dirt and gravel 'highway'? every mile or so, one sees Han migrant workers feverishly paving or flattening in preparation for a newly constructed road that the government will surely trumpet pre-Olympics time to the international press. too little, too late, Pinkos! and for the record, you still have the dubious distinction of history's ugliest world leader with North Korea a close second. it's an axis of ugly only a mother can love.

¹ in an effort to avoid blacklisting by the Great Firewall of China, thejerk.org editors suggest i mispell some 'sensitive' topics. long live F@lu(n) G-o^n@g!

Posted by thejerk at 05:37 AM | Permalink

i'm now halfway to Lhasa (a permit-free safe zone) but each time i pass one of the ubiquitous police checkpoints in Tibet, i unload a fresh batch of last night's kung pao chicken into my already filthy shortpants. today was the closest call yet. the police guy peered into our (picked up a couple chinese tourists) rented van and stared each one of us down, skunk-eye style. luckily my disheveled appearance passed the test and to add some 'english', i hocked a purple-green loogie over the 5.0's shoulder for extra emphasis of my Sino-ocity.

i wonder if the ulcer i'm developing is worth the monetary savings. certainly the landscape is arguably the best i've seen in all my travels - photos to come (of course) - and the tibetan people, despite their never-ending runny noses, some of the friendliest and smiliest folks on earth.

3 more days to go with my hardest challenge, Bayi, a large military outpost upcoming shortly. i'll make sure to wear my extra absorbant adult undergarments for that one.

Posted by thejerk at 03:26 AM | Permalink

as you probably don't know, since the mid-20th century, citing dubious historical evidence, the Chinese government has occupied a sovereign nation called Tibet (as it's a bit out of the scope of this website to get all political and/or historical on your ass, i'll leave my history lesson at that and get directly to my point).

to protect their brainwashing of Tibetan citizens, the infinitely wise Chinese overlords dictate that foreigners entering Tibet obtain a special Tibetan travel permit (TTB). furthermore, the privilege of paying for a TTB comes only if one enters Tibet as part of an overpriced organized tour. Chinese citizens, however, are free to roam Tibet as they please as they've already been indoctrinated with communist dogma since the minute they squirt out of the womb.

if you know me, you know i'm the greatest South Korean disguise artist (& bench presser - 600 lbs and counting! don't get me started on how much i can "clean and jerk".) in the world. i once successfully eased myself onto the itinerary of a group of Pakistani package tourists for 3 full days with the help of my fake mustache and chants of "Allah U Akbar!"

in my greatest challenge yet, i'll disguise myself as a Chinese tourist and sneak my way from Southern China - through the forbidden portion of Tibet - to Lhasa without the holy TTB. a four day journey will boil down to how well i can pose as a Chinaman by speaking perfect Mandarin, keeping my hair as unkempt as possible and hocking great wads of phlegm on surfaces both indoor and out.

wish me luck in screwing one of the most repressive & tyrannical governments in the non-free world. (but TGIT - thank god it's tyranny - otherwise the US would be the number 1 abuser of capital punishment and soon to lose number 1 polluter of the world.) may all police checkpoints be unmanned and roads in bus-worthy condition, enshallah!

(i've scheduled this entry to publish at a later date so by the time you read this, the adventure will already be in progress. if caught, i face a stiff US$300 fine and swift expulsion to non-Tibet China.)

**update (11/4/07)**
found a great piece in the Int'l Herald Tribune by NYTimes man, Howard French about Tibet.

Posted by thejerk at 09:25 AM | Permalink

i refrain from calling these peoples Chinese although they live within the borders of China.

i also refrain from saying i'm the greatest sandwich artist in the world because i'm modest and i'd rather not show off my cold-cut stacking abilities. it's a gift from god, really. you couldn't teach these skills if you tried.

(September was a terrible month for thejerk.org posts... i'm trying to make it up now by publishing any verbal diarrhea that comes to mind.)

Posted by thejerk at 10:15 AM | Permalink

as i study my google analytics pie charts and diagrams while wearing my white lab coat and safety goggles, i begin to understand your thejerk photo viewing habits. the summary of my findings:

1) you are all incredibly lazy and rarely make it past 2-3 pages of photos.
2) many of you have unusually small penises (as indicated by google analytics, folks).
3) almost none of you click on my advertisements leaving me destitute and unable to afford 3 square meals/day.

i've corrected my photo publishing to reflect my findings. smaller numbers of photos per release, more targeted ads for penis growth herbal extracts and dumbing down my vocabulary to less than 3 syllables at maximum.

i realize that thejerk.org is slowly turning into a showcase of photos and i am concerned as much as you. i'm making a conscious effort to get back to basics. in other words, much more idiotic photos that demean other cultures and their wacky differences.

in the meantime, enjoy these photos:

China Part I

Posted by thejerk at 09:41 AM | Permalink

Comment Challenge ver. 1.02 now installed on thejerk.org (for your non-erotic pleasure).

turns out most automated spam can be knocked out cold just by adding a CAPTCHA (Completely Automated Public Turing Test to Tell Computers and Humans Apart) question. what does this mean for you? not much. but for those few of you who actually take the time to post hate comments, your vitriol is published immediately by typing a simple word, which for now is "jerk"... oh joy!

if you have any issues working this or the CAPTCHA question is too hard, respectively email me or treat yourself to a full frontal lobotomy.

(highest respects to author, Jay Allen for writing this piece of blogging gold download.)

Posted by thejerk at 08:58 AM | Permalink