Previous travel log Page                   HOME               Next travel log Page     Jump to:

October 12, 2007

breakin' the law, breakin' the law!!!

as you probably don't know, since the mid-20th century, citing dubious historical evidence, the Chinese government has occupied a sovereign nation called Tibet (as it's a bit out of the scope of this website to get all political and/or historical on your ass, i'll leave my history lesson at that and get directly to my point).

to protect their brainwashing of Tibetan citizens, the infinitely wise Chinese overlords dictate that foreigners entering Tibet obtain a special Tibetan travel permit (TTB). furthermore, the privilege of paying for a TTB comes only if one enters Tibet as part of an overpriced organized tour. Chinese citizens, however, are free to roam Tibet as they please as they've already been indoctrinated with communist dogma since the minute they squirt out of the womb.

if you know me, you know i'm the greatest South Korean disguise artist (& bench presser - 600 lbs and counting! don't get me started on how much i can "clean and jerk".) in the world. i once successfully eased myself onto the itinerary of a group of Pakistani package tourists for 3 full days with the help of my fake mustache and chants of "Allah U Akbar!"

in my greatest challenge yet, i'll disguise myself as a Chinese tourist and sneak my way from Southern China - through the forbidden portion of Tibet - to Lhasa without the holy TTB. a four day journey will boil down to how well i can pose as a Chinaman by speaking perfect Mandarin, keeping my hair as unkempt as possible and hocking great wads of phlegm on surfaces both indoor and out.

wish me luck in screwing one of the most repressive & tyrannical governments in the non-free world. (but TGIT - thank god it's tyranny - otherwise the US would be the number 1 abuser of capital punishment and soon to lose number 1 polluter of the world.) may all police checkpoints be unmanned and roads in bus-worthy condition, enshallah!

(i've scheduled this entry to publish at a later date so by the time you read this, the adventure will already be in progress. if caught, i face a stiff US$300 fine and swift expulsion to non-Tibet China.)


**update (11/4/07)**
found a great piece in the Int'l Herald Tribune by NYTimes man, Howard French about Tibet.

June 17, 2007

house of god(s) (verdict: Hindu-tastic!)

my man's intuition tells me most of you Nintendo playing warriors will never make it out to this neck of the woods to tour one of the greatest set of ruins in the world; i use the word 'ruins' very lightly because the temples of the Angkor complex in Cambodia are far from ruined like its Roman counterparts. the structure itself along with the intricate wall carvings have survived the test of time and for now, the onslaught of mindless package tourists that feel its necessary to touch everything with their sausage-like fingers. they f'in disappoint me.

photos don't do justice to this vast intact temple dedicated to the Hindu god Vishnu. like my body, Angkor's combination of form and function is breathtaking - my fists alone are deadly weapons once used to excavate pure granite, accomplishing what pneumatic drills were unable. but when seen under the right lighting, the same fists are as delicate and lithe as a 7 y/o's anus.

despite my hatred for all things non-Thai female, i decided to put together another Canon 5D time-lapse video for you, the drooling masses. 2000+ shots went into the production of my tour of Angkor Wat. there's bound to be some confusion so let me clarify. the video shows the Angkor Wat temple which is one of dozens of massive temples at the Angkor Wat complex. hence Angkor Wat is a temple so nice, they named it twice.

Continue reading "house of god(s) (verdict: Hindu-tastic!)" »

June 03, 2007

month in bangkok

my detox period after a month-long stay on paradise island could be no other place than Bangkok. a shot of depressing reality is the medicine only the Kao San Road (KSR) region of Bangkok can provide. for those not 'in the know', the KSR area is the hub of all backpacking tourism in Thailand. lucky for me, my descent into reality was cushioned by the cast and crew you've seen over the past few months in Indonesian photos and a few notable applicants who auditioned to be my latest harem of travel minions.

THE GOOD

cast of characters
the Bangkok crew

panchenko comedy

Continue reading "month in bangkok" »

[ Section for displaying ads ]

May 13, 2007

continuing coverage of miss universe

the content covers the calendar year 2007 (2550 on the Buddhist calendar) and after you see some of the early photos, i'm confident you'll agree in Chinese astrology: this truly is the year of the Pig. the chinese are a prescient group of people. now if only they can accurately predict their way out of terrible personal hygiene and gaudy building decorations (read: year-round inappropriate christmas light adornments).

check out this year's miss universe contestants with my live updates or the official site here. judging from pageant history and my illustrious past as a female body inspector, my early vote goes to Miss Venezuela... rest assured, there's no need to even look at her photo.

some notable highlights (or lowlights) are:

ms. mauritius looking like a crack whore
ms. curacao looking like a recovering crack whore

the preliminary photos on the missuniverse.com site will probably soon be replaced by their air-brushed brethren so i took the occasion to archive all crack-whore-ish photos clearly submitted by the attention-seeking prima donnas of this year's contestants. instead of waiting for official photos, they or their agents rather submited ones that make them look the equivalent of Atlantic City street walkers. however, who knows? street whore may be the new 'in look' this year.

*update* i acted too late to archive the crack-whorish pictures. all self-submitted 'glamour shots' have been replaced. damnst! but now a notable lowlight is ms. paraguay looking as if she's feeling the GI effects of a double bean pork burrito. the mention of 'poo' and 'ms universe' in the same sentence... the thought turns me on more than you can/should ever know.

May 10, 2007

the world is small & probably flat (the gods must be crazy: part III)

for those closely following my every escapade, you'll likely recognize this guy i recently saw on paradise island...

christian
kristian the Germanian

Continue reading "the world is small & probably flat (the gods must be crazy: part III)" »

Previous travel log Page                   HOME               Next travel log Page     Jump to: