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February 28, 2008

Nepal montage (verdict: who would've known)

** editor's note **

2 months after the fact, i discovered this story i'd written but never published about Nepal. i suppose that's what happens when your body's riddled with incurable 3rd world diseases. nevertheless, enjoy what appears to be a semi-completed story that i won't take the time to finish.


i present to you drooling go-kart specialists, the country ending Montage of lovelies. much like the gorgeous women in unpronouncably named eastern european countries, Nepal is the natural habitat of some of the world's hidden gems of good lookin' YOUNG ladies!


unfortunate they're completely untouchable unless by marriage or duped by the illusion of wealth.

February 07, 2008

so very tired... again

i need a vacation from India. if i had to lay blame, i'd point a finger at the horrible food, bird flu near calcutta, and wave after wave of swarthy indian men more than happy to voluntarily wag their genitalia in my general direction. i've never experienced a nation such as this filled with so many public urinators in my life! is going on hiatus while thejerk flies to Thailand for a month of R&/orR (feb 7 to mar 6). upon my return, i should be recharged to face the filth and chaos (and inevitably the plague) that exists only in India.

i may or may not update my site. if you object, you can suck it. if you wish me well in my month of beaches and sexy thai ladies, you can still suck it.

suck it, bitches!!!!

November 20, 2007

f'in Tibitten (verdict: blood & police... & tears)

oh, hi guys. thanks for joining me for this very special, touching entry on last week we discussed the challenge of successfully reconstructing a burrito wrapped in a torn tortilla. this week, you're in for an even tastier treat...

traveling illegally in Tibet, i desperately wanted to appear Chinese. i arrived in Lhasa to find a mild undercurrent of Han Chinese hatred among the local Tibetan population. see the bastardized changes made to Lhasa (read: typical Han Chinese city from the glazed-tile school of architecture) then one can understand why. the rude treatment i received in Lhasa made me quickly rediscover something i always knew: masquerading as an unkempt Chinaman inevitably ends in tears (i'm quoting Confucius here... or was it Marco Polo).

what happened at Johkang temple, i'm still unable to understand. the short of it is, an old lady, taking a breather from her prostration and prayers, gestured and yelled at me then began to physically abuse me. when she raised her wrinkled, aged hand to strike me (perhaps mistakenly believing i snapped a photo of her), i held her at arms length. that's when it happened. wait for it... she grabbed my hand and greedily deposited it into an unspeakably filthy maw, taking a not unnoticable morsel of flesh out of my ring finger.

here, i present the sanitized aftermath with a lovely daytime Potala Palace as backdrop.
bloodied finger @ Potala Palace

Continue reading "f'in Tibitten (verdict: blood & police... & tears)" »

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October 31, 2007

in the rear-Yunnan, out the bottom-Nepal (verdict: Tibet is fantasticular)

besides a couple pairs of unspeakably filthy underpants, i reached Lhasa with suprisingly few issues. i know i'm writing at a brick wall but if you gutless sacks of computer potatoes decide to take a vacation, i suggest it be this trip. in my illustrious 5 year career of traveling, i've yet to see such near-unspoiled scenery as penile-explodingly gorgeous as that seen in Tibet. watch the video after the jump and once your erections subside and the blood returns to your brain, i'm sure you'll agree.

Continue reading "in the rear-Yunnan, out the bottom-Nepal (verdict: Tibet is fantasticular)" »

October 14, 2007

shottin' bricks! (day four into my illegal Tibet journey)

i'm now halfway to Lhasa (a permit-free safe zone) but each time i pass one of the ubiquitous police checkpoints in Tibet, i unload a fresh batch of last night's kung pao chicken into my already filthy shortpants. today was the closest call yet. the police guy peered into our (picked up a couple chinese tourists) rented van and stared each one of us down, skunk-eye style. luckily my disheveled appearance passed the test and to add some 'english', i hocked a purple-green loogie over the 5.0's shoulder for extra emphasis of my Sino-ocity.

i wonder if the ulcer i'm developing is worth the monetary savings. certainly the landscape is arguably the best i've seen in all my travels - photos to come (of course) - and the tibetan people, despite their never-ending runny noses, some of the friendliest and smiliest folks on earth.

3 more days to go with my hardest challenge, Bayi, a large military outpost upcoming shortly. i'll make sure to wear my extra absorbant adult undergarments for that one.

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