a few weeks ago, i reported the border crossing fiasco that led to the loss of years of accumulated pornography. in a time of need, a fellow american has bravely stepped forward to provide me with over 4 GB of explicit digital video content. unfortunately, i'll keep only a fraction of it due to it's unacceptable nature, even for my, let's say, morally pliable standards. but nevertheless, i appreciate and applaud his effort. in order to protect his anonymity, i'll refer to him only as Allen M. actually, that sounds unbearably clinical so let's just call him A. Manalo or A. Manalo of 43 Pasa Robles, Apt 5d, Quezon City, Metro Manila (09)-323-9938 (ask for "el guapo" if you call - password: "the corpulent canuck walks his guinea pig by moonlight").

A. Manalo takes fettishes to a new and disturbing level. while maticulously cataloguing the material, i found myself in amazement and repeatedly screaming, "no, not in there!" or "there is no god." the hardest part was the decision on where to begin. alphabetically starts me off at ataneo univ. sex scandals and ends with very dirty protestant ministers. i can also tackle the problem by genre or movie parodies. my favorite title so far, hairy pooter and the chamber of secretions (director's cut)

once i've narrowed the material down to a few hundred choice selections, i'll be ready to leave manila (again) and attempt to finish hopping around the philippine islands. it turned out losing all that old pornography wasn't the end of my life. thanks to A. Manalo, it was the beginning.

Posted by thejerk at 01:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

unless you've been living in a cave, you've heard of the schapelle corby fiasco. long story short, the australian national was found guilty of smuggling drugs into indonesia. i don't smuggle drugs or anything but perhaps a more aggressive customs official may interpret the gigabytes of pornography on my laptop as an attempt to sell and distribute my "stash". hardly the case but i'd be loathe to spend time in jail for a "crime" all men are commit, to varying degrees. (e.g. harish owns a separate computer for his collection)

Continue reading "schapelle corby and transporting pornography" »

Posted by thejerk at 05:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

by popular request, i bring you slobbering sacks of hormones another collage of perversion from my time on the perhentian islands. for the lady viewers (read: joann stanford), i included a guy in the collage this time. i'm not really sure what a girl wants to see so i just snapped a picture of any shirtless dude. i'm sure you women will be disappointed, perhaps as much as i was.

Continue reading "young LADIES of the western bikini-clad persuasion" »

Posted by thejerk at 05:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

they crowned a new 2005 useless beeyatch Miss Universe and she's white... how novel. i suppose no one by now expects to see a black miss universe again although we do expect that a black contestant necessarily makes it to the final 5 (so the judges don't appear racist) and that the host country's contestant gets a useless award like, nicest shaved beaver pattern (so the judges don't get lynched).

if you're actually interested in watching the show tonight (May 31st) don't click on the rest of this message because i reveal who won. your choices are narrowed a bit. she's not black, nor ms. thailand. i'll give you a hint: (it's miss canada). i hope you won't be tempted by that hint.

Continue reading "in case you haven't heard" »

Posted by thejerk at 02:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

curse those ms. universe people! how rude! without consulting me, they just up and left to Phuket (pronounced "pookhet", you ignorami who pronounced it more lewdly) island today. but how can i stay mad when so much nubile flesh is at stake. ms. venezuela, i still love you.

apparently they're yucking it up with the Phuket islanders and sideburn-less sex tourists, most likely of germanian nationality. i'm sure ms. germany 2005 is happy about being surrounded by the worst of her countryfolk.

on phuket, ms. thailand's proudly "displaying" what her country has to offer on the destination that's solely driven by sex-tourism and where success at the end of a drinking night is measured in the amount of baht she costs to take home.

thai chicks, you're better than this (read: take me instead!).

Posted by thejerk at 07:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

in anticipation of "meeting" the ms. universe contestants, i procured the following necessary items:

1 lense, telephoto (2x, effectively making my camera 20x)
1 converter, for said telephoto lense
4 batteries, rechargeable Ni-MH AAA
1 vaseline, 18 oz. tub of
1 butterfly knife, double edged

Continue reading "Day 1, Ms. Universe Preparations" »

Posted by thejerk at 07:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

the Miss Universe Pageant 2005 is in Bangkok and as luck would have it, so am i with absolutely nothing to do but pull out the 10x (camera, that is), and go 'a stalkin'.

the pageant site really bites... half the contestants' pictures aren't posted so invariably, i won't have a chosen target for my pictures:

http://www.missuniverse.com/mainevent/index.html

your hard-working correspondent arduously constructed a special page to view all the contestants (w/ available pictures) on one page:

ms. finland looks lovely in her recent high school picture. i wonder if she won prom queen this year.

check out the interviews. in bitch-slap fashion, ms. thailand's accent-less english (more accurately an american/canadian accent), gives an indication as to which continent raised her. even more egregious, in total downward motion bitch-slap fashion, ms. great britain also speaks "the proper american's english!"

Continue reading "holy macaroni!" »

Posted by thejerk at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i'm more or less stuck in bangkok until the start of the Songkran Festival in a week. for those that have lived in a cave for your entire lives, the songkran festival amounts to what is essentially a 3-day water fight. those equipped with it, run around with large water canons and douse any victim regardless of age, sexual ambiguity, or nationality. basically, i'm waiting around to get my rocks off when t-shirts become transparent with moistness. i'll surely be armed with my camera taking photographs galore - maybe even of women this time.

in the meantime, enjoy my aggregated list of actual names that exist in bangkok which sound either unintentionally pornographic or can possibly be used in the making of pornography:

• "bang sue" district
• "banglapoo" district
• "sukhumvit" road
• the "golden mount" temple
• "surasak" road
• "bangkrak" market
• pra "atit" road
• "panteep" plaza
• "dusit" zoo
• fried "morning glory" breakfast
• "snake farm" (pastuer institue)
• "khlong bang" yikhan (river)
• thanon "damrong rak" (street)
• wat "thong" thammachat (temple)
• "bangrag" district
• goethegasse (alley) - german in origin, i believe, but funny nonetheless
• soi "phun suk" (alley)
• "bangrak" district

and that's just in bangkok! with city names like Phuket and Koh Pee Pee, there's no end in sight to lower and lower levels of immaturity.

i <3 thailand!

(this in no way represents a comprehensive list and go ahead, i dare you to check if i'm making this up)

Posted by thejerk at 05:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)