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apologies to malaysia (verdict: regretful foot-in-mouth)

i categorically retract and correct all previous negative statements i've made about malaysia:

  • malaysia is not the most useless southeast asian country
  • malaysian cuisine is extremely flavorful and not linked directly to gastro-intestinal problems
  • malaysian women are in fact attractive and equally as gorgeous as their fellow southeast asian sista's
  • generation after generation of local infants are not born ugly

after 2 weeks enjoying the wild side of borneo, i've seen the light. borneo is borneo-rific! try not to read the previous statement too quickly, lest you care to misread 'borneo is boner-ific'.

were borneo its own country, it'd most closely resemble california (i.e. were california its own country). both have fauna endemic to itself, the most loveable in borneo being the orangutan which when literally translated from malay means 'man of the jungle that flings neither feces nor insults and has massive flanges on his face from time to time... and stuff'. sadly, deforestation by the evil palm oil plantations (sdn bhd) threatens the future of our ape overlords relatives as well as their less jovial jungle co-inhabitants.

additionally, in both 'countries', mongoloids run amock, particularly chinese and filipino immigrants. however, the bornean variety is unendingly more polite and well-groomed whereas the californian species are easier to mock based on their obesity and propensity to yell when they speak. also to their credit, the local chinese population in malaysia is heavily responsible for building borneo into an economic powerhouse (thejerk.org whole-heartedly believes man-breasted korean americans asians should rule the world, particularly if they don't reak of adobo or hock loogies throughout the day).

with an economy as strong as california's, neighboring immigrants (mainly mexicans, canadians and oregonians) flood illegally across its borders bringing me to my next point: every country has its mexico. borneo's mexico is both the philippines. similarly in europe, spain's mexico is morocco. and interestingly enough, mexico's mexico is nicaragua.

in conclusion, i guess what i'm trying to say is, for the love of orangutans, boycott palm oil, you hippy fruitcakes! you'd be surprised how many products contain the same palm oil that's making the world less cute, one baby orangutans at a time.

oh, and again, i apologize to the country of malaysia.

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