when my successful coup d'etat lands me rightfully in power, i'll eliminate all variant spellings of the same name. kathy, cathy, kate, katrina, kat will all become helmuta. any arguments on my policies and they'll swiftly get the death penalty, the most painful way imaginable. the frontrunner now is death by gilmore girls reruns though i'm sure, with the correct braintrust devoted to devising creative ways of capital punishment, we can come up with something ultimately more painful.

with that said, congratulations to kenichi (former colleague) and susan (sp? susanne? suzanne?) on the birth of their first - and judging from kenichi's "rural" background - of many to come. being busy with my coup plans, i haven't had the internet time to devote to viewing any of the baby pictures but i can confidently assume the baby came out with a stained and tattered wife-beater along w/ a fully loaded hunting rifle complete with gun rack.

yeah, i'm surprised as much as you are. who ever thought kenichi could "get one past the goalie," so to speak? not i or the greater western seaboard. the argument, i thought, was more a case of if he'll be able to have a child as opposed to when. but what's done is done and there's no reason to beat a dead horse, which would be an clear violation of animal rights anyway.

if the nishikawa's baby's first words are "that possum was good eatin'" pennis and the chunky sack owe me a steak dinner and i owe it to the world to take the kid under my wing and unhickify her. then i'll train her to be my undersecretary of torture. regardless, i've started a "future therapy fund" for the poor li'l girl. with such unholy parents, may vishnu have mercy on your soul, young naomi. uncle thejerk is looking out for you though.