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7107 islands in the philippines

the past month's jaunt saw me finish the island of Luzon, the largest island in the Philippine archipelago. i can now cross off one of the items on my before-i-croak to-do list: use the word archipelago in a coherent sentence without referring to alaska. one island down 7106 to go. technically, although i didn't step foot on them, i attempted to go to the hundred islands national park. 7106 7006 islands to go.

i leave manila tomorrow to continue my search for the perfect, least touristed, and most wallet friendly beach in the world (with free wireless internet access, loose thai-esque women, and a series of starbucks and burger kings to keep my belly free of filipino food). once i discover the promised land, i'll entertain the thought of renting a beachside apartment (rumored to be affordably priced at US$100/month) and do absolutely nothing but marathon masturbation daydreaming sessions. in the alternate universe i create for myself, i can be anything i want in order to avoid confronting my current pathetic and unfulfilled life. i'm leaning towards the daydream where i'm a pirate aimlessly wandering the oceans ordering others to swab this and batten that. it's particularly appropriate now because of my flowing hair, tattered clothes and the fact that i seem to hang out exclusively with grunting men.

regardless of the outcome of my island hop or contraction of scurvy during my epic masturbation daydreaming sessions, expect one thing: an endless string of beach-type pictures and lewd images of a worry-free large breasted man - with an eyepatch.

Posted by thejerk on August 27, 2005 01:15 AM |

Comments

just read your latest entry. if you ever find that perfect beach (cheap, internet access, white sand, but not necessarily loose thai-esque women), let me know. i am definitely interested.

Posted by: joanna | August 29, 2005 01:49 PM

Hey Jerk, nice to read some of your crazy ranting now i'm back in Belgium. Got good food and good weather lined up for me here, can't say that about Sabang, were we hung out with the Danish chicks from Batad. Actually, we found a whole truckload of them there, more than 12pcs. : - )
Really. Even toked some of the finest bud up north with them, out of boredom, of course.
Keep up tha good work,
David

Posted by: David | September 1, 2005 11:53 PM

my eventual goal is to set up a serfdom on this newly claimed island in the name of thejerk. canadian people are not welcome. polish people are. as a result, if the canadian intelligentsia can devise a method of extracting that disgusting canadian liberal goo out of you, i'll allow you to visit my island and be the official dental hygenist for my malnourished populace. just prepare to see a lot of poverty and naturally i'll live the life of a (at times) benevolent dictator. and because i won't have so much money, i'll have a thai harem of 1. maybe i'll get one that can entertain guests w/ tricks involving ping pong balls.

Posted by: thejerk | September 7, 2005 12:33 AM

ha! 12 pieces, breast and thigh meat only! i'm generally a dark meat guy and more specifically, an ass-man, so i'll take the darkest meat of all, just the sphincter portion of the danish broads. original formula of course. the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice, my mom always used to say to me, referring to her desire for me to bone a black girl. she's an unconventional mother but that's what happens when you grow up in the shadow of the japanese empire and their colonizing ways. damn those nips. i'll have my revenge!

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