the signs of health are coming back to me so i booked my bus ticket to the thai-malaysian border, the same one that's been having all those bombs and assassinations this year. when you're as fiercely aggressive and invincible as me, you don't worry about asian muslims taking out your bus. you worry more about fending off chicks with an understated diamond encrusted walking cane or the state of super-celebrity marriages.

my next destination are a series of island hops off the east coast of Malaysia where islam calls the shots and as a result, i had to replace my two piece bikini with a modest one piece (assless) bathing suit. don't worry, it's skin colored so they'll never know the difference, especially because i was born without an ass-crack, simply a single teardrop shaped mass of flesh. i'll slowly work my way down the coast until i reach KL (short for Kuala Lumpur for those "in the know").

at this point i'm just killing time until i catch my flight in July to the Philippines and i've yet to see the egg-laying turtles of east coast Malaysia and if my memory serves me correctly, i haven't fully alienated the asian muslim community yet.