chunky sack having mid-life crisis
how do you say "mid-life crisis" in Polish? does it resemble the word for "uproot" or "flee" in any esoteric way?
after a full year and a half in southern california, the chunky sack (Polska by ethnicity) is retreating back to the bay area with his forked tail and triumvirate of inline testicles firmly between his legs. looks like he actually did something about his most recent bi-monthly mid-life crisis and decided to return to the area he was once so proud to leave. i originally helped the chunky guy move (i.e. i ate chips and instructed him which boxes to put where) from SF so i know his last words well:
"i'll never return to this hellhole."
"they can have their human feces covered streets to themselves."
"that cream colored stain was there when i got here"
"the hair growth starts in the ears, then spreads to back then ultimately buttocks."
as a gesture of good will to the lug, i'm accepting applications for a life coach. a total of 3 positions available, the other 2 who need life coaching are harish (perenially) and gaymes who is a new addition to the land of the lost. successful applicants will hold a job, maintain good personal hygiene and not much else.
honestly, i don't know what the guy's looking for, other than his first DIY back shaving kit (which i bought for him for that memorable Kwanzaa of '84. if my polio afflicted fingers could operate a camera, the picture of the sack's mom demonstrating its efficient use would have been worth at least 999 words). once he abandons his fantasy world in which he wears a pair of polish flag tights, makes out with plus-sized supermodels while saving the world from inevitable destruction, he'll realize his real life polish flag tights fit just fine and the world isn't doomed (at least until 2007 when aliens will crush our solar system as they sweep past in the wake of Haley's Coment, according to my gray robed hairless pastor who appears on cable tv. channel 483! now that's the voice of credibility isn't it?)
the biggest tragedy in the entire fiasco is that your hard working correspondent has to change his mailing address again. which means you ladies out there will need a new address to send your panties to. and Bubby, no more of those granny trunks, they're starting to effect the load bearing structures in the house.
| | Permalink |
Comments
I'm not sure that the position of life-coach for me and Gaymes needs to be filled. We'll be living in SF together and just as bosom buddies do, we'll be looking out for each other (and picking bugs off of each others backs). We do have an open job req. for a ritualistic testicle washer with 0-2 years of experience...we are accepting resumes starting Monday.
Posted by: Chunky Sack | June 5, 2005 09:43 PM
mark my words... 3 months before gaymes, out of loss of any hope to live, turns to cao daoism for the salvation of his soul. same amount of time before the chunky sack looks for yet another silver bullet relocation to revive a life marred by a series of shame spirals and the inability to keep the same zip code for more than a year and a half.
Posted by: thejerk | June 11, 2005 01:18 AM