premature wetness

i'm not gonna lie. this is the greatest holiday since i started celebrating Celine Dion's birthday! songkran, slated to begin tomorrow, got off to an early start today by enthusiastic crowds of no goodnicks picking water fights with complete strangers. everywhere you go, you're bound to be hit by ice cold water, shrinking men's testicles and in some cases retracting them inside the body cavity like a frightened clam. whether you're falang (white folk), thai, or hunchback, no one is spared the moistness, least of all, attractive girls blessed by god's goodness. occasionally, a grumpy old dude or self-righteous israeli spoils the fun with a temper tantrum. sucks for them as that makes them a more delicious target for those of us that are launching water from upper level floors.

all of khao san road is a water fight and judging by the number of super soakers in people's hands, water gun sales must increase 50 fold during the 3 day festival. fist-fights and gropings, too must increase proportionally during this time. the targeted body parts are naturally the breasticle area for women and surprisingly the groin area for men. with so many women around with wet t-shirts, a good groin soaking is in order. i didn't think it'd be possible to stay engorged for such a large proportion of the day but the odd groin soaking soothes the savage beast, so to speak.

over the next 3 days, i plan on sitting comfortably on my 5th floor balcony and raining buckets filled with dirty tap water on any poor soul who happens to be caught under my wrath. is it a weasel move? yes, but one that'll surely keep my body parts free from the sufferings of hot weather chafing.

i (heart) thailand!!!

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