i get a call in my hotel room and the lady is talking gibberish (it's all chinese to me). i urge her that i don't understand and hang up the phone. 10 seconds later, 4 prostitutes of varying attractiveness, shoot through the door and proceed to, at first, offer me a massage. i repeatedly say no and after some time, one of them pulls out a condom, points to my crotch (as if i didn't know what it was for... well i knew mostly what others used it for) and continues her chinese gibberish.

i continue to say no, but in my head, i'm actually considering it. really, you should've seen one of them... she looked like the chinese version of mary kate olsen (see christmas wish, below).

after some time of repeated rejections, one of the friskier prostitutes begins grabbing at my bulbous crotch. this, naturally signaled the others to pounce. so there i was, in some random hotel in the middle of china, being aggressively seduced by 4 diseased prostitutes. finally, i pull out a picture of some random girl that happened to be nearby and, under heavy duress, quickly look up "girlfriend" in my translation dictionary. i think they bought it. they left me with the offer of a 100 yuan screw if i changed my mind. i mulled it over all night until finally, i fell asleep.